Self-improvement is masturbation, right?

"Self-improvement is masturbation," said Tyler Durden in Fight Club. It's a movie and a quote that has stuck with me for a very long. We hear about self-improvement junkies, people addicted to self-help books, going from one seminar to the next, and signing up for course after course. In that sense, self-improvement might be masturbation.

I notice it myself when I'm not doing anything but sitting on the couch scrolling through YouTube shorts with inspiring messages on how to be successful, be more confident, make more money, be more attractive, etc. I don't improve myself, but I feel better about myself - it feels like I didn't waste my time. But no real action, no change, came from that evening along on the couch watching clips.

But does this mean that all self-improvement is bad? Well, no, I don't think so. If you look at the word, it must be something good; it's about improvement. So, let's discuss when self-improvement is good and when self-improvement is bad.

The bad side of self-improvement

My thoughts go to the book "A subtle art of not giving a fuck". In an amazing writing style, Mark Manson explains the criticality of satisfaction. You'll never be the best athlete in the world, which is okay. You might never become a fighter-jet pilot, and that is okay too. Be happy with who you are and what you have. Don't be sad because you have to give up on an unrealistic dream. Don't give a fuck about all of your dreams, but give a fuck about a few core values. And live by those. It might not be a happy, hedonistic, pleasure-filled life, but it is satisfying.

I am paraphrasing here because inwardly, I notice the thought: well, a life filled with hedonistic pleasures might be fantastic! I never experienced that fully, so I don't know what I'm missing. That's maybe why the lifestyles of Andrew Tate, Dan Bilzerian, and the like feel so attractive to many young men, myself included.

But shouldn't I know better? This life isn't about pleasure; this life is about God, faith, living according to His will, understanding His salvation work, and the depth of my sin that He has forgiven.

Let’s go back to the question of the bad side of self-improvement. Maybe, as in all things in life, here, too, the answer lies in the thoughts and motivations behind it. Do I work out because I want to attract as many females as possible, or do I work out because I want to take good care of my health? Do I work on a side hustle because I can't wait to have enough money to party and take month-long vacations, or do I work on the side hustle to support my future family? Let's take one more example: do I not want to refrain from PMO (Porn/Masturbation/Orgasm) because I want to have better mental health and higher testosterone levels, or do I want to refrain from that because I don't want to hurt my Saviour more with these sinful deeds?

With shame, I'll have to answer many of these questions that the drive for this self-improvement initiative comes from a wrong desire.

The good side of self-improvement

What, then, is the good side of self-improvement? Here too, to discover how we are motivated, we have to look at the starting thoughts. If we look in the bible on this topic, one verse specifically comes to mind: 2nd Peter 3 verse 18. "Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ." Isn't that the right place for self-improvement? To grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, to better understand the depth of his grace (by understanding the amount of our sin), and to grow in our knowledge of Jesus, of how He is, and what He did.

Another place from the same book comes to mind: 2nd Peter 1 verse 5-7. Here Peter gives quite clear instructions how our path of growth and our path of self-improvement. He instructs us to one step add a time and add a layer. Starting with our faith and ending in love:

Faith
Goodness / Virtue
Knowledge
Self-control / Temperance
Perseverance / Patience
Godliness
Brotherly kindness / Mutual Affection
Love / Charity

Aren't these eight steps enough areas of self-improvement to last us a lifetime? I don't think we'll fully reach the first step in our lives.

Final thoughts

So, should I work out more to become more attractive to the opposite sex? No, self-improvement like that isn't what God has intended me to do. Does that mean that working out is bad? No, God does instruct us to take good care of our bodily temples. But on a higher priority, I want to put these areas where Peter instructs us to grow in grace, knowledge, faith, self-control, love & charity.

So, will I continue to stress because I still haven't quit my coffee addiction and had unhealthy pancakes for breakfast this morning? No, because now it is in perspective. Suppose I'm doing this to train my self-control, great. Am I doing it for an empty reason or even from a lustful desire? Then it might be better to enjoy those pancakes and that caffeine.